January 8, 2015
As I begin this year of writing Tender Mercies down, I have been reviewing last years writings. I have already been impressed by things I have written and also reminded of things that I was feeling last year. I had no idea I would face some of the challenges I have had to face and witness some of the heroics that my husband has again demonstrated as he has gone forward doing things that no ordinary person could do and doing it with courage and positive attitude.
As I begin this year of writing Tender Mercies down, I have been reviewing last years writings. I have already been impressed by things I have written and also reminded of things that I was feeling last year. I had no idea I would face some of the challenges I have had to face and witness some of the heroics that my husband has again demonstrated as he has gone forward doing things that no ordinary person could do and doing it with courage and positive attitude.
I plan to re-read all of 2014 and then
recommit myself to some of the things I said I would do and have found that
life has gotten in the way. It is
my desire to do better and move forward.
I do want to serve a mission with Jim. I do want to read the Book of Mormon with him everyday and
study the Preach My Gospel for FHE.
Jill (my friend from the Shop who is a Lutheran) asked me
today if I had set any resolutions for this year. I stopped and thought how I really had not – she said she
decided she was going to be a better Christian… she said that was nothing new, she did that every day. I thought to myself that I too needed
to be a better Christian, a better Mormon, a better prepared missionary, a
better family history worker, a better wife, mother and grandmother! Along those lines I have written to
Natalie about a great talk she gave last year. I was just reading it over as I review 2014 and thought to
write her the following:
Nattie: I am reviewing
my Tender Mercies of 2014 before I start writing my Tender Mercies of
2015! As I started reading I was reminded of a most wonderful talk that
you gave last year in Sacrament Meeting about Tithing. I am reprinting it
here for you to read (if you want). The reason I reprint this is because
I had forgotten about this talk as well as some of the other things I had
written in my "Tender Mercies" and I was again so glad to read your
thoughts and recognize the strong testimony that you have. I hope you
will always remember not only this talk, but also that your testimony will grow
and sustain you in your life. You have had a hard road to travel and you
are doing so well!!! I know things are going to get even harder with your
dad going to school. I know he will need your help even more than before
~ and I also know that you will be there for him and for the boys. It
will not be easy but I promise if you will pray every night (Just like
the stripling warriors in your talk) Heavenly Father will bless you with peace
and comfort and the ability to do what you need to do!
We love you Natalie.
You are a strong person who Heavenly Father purposely sent to your family
because he KNEW that you would be wonderful! I know that you are awesome
and I know that you are a chosen daughter of Heavenly Father. Keep up the
good work. Let me know how I can help you...
Love Grandma
One more Tender Mercy that has just actually
started this New Year. Jim told me
that he was walking in Physical Therapy but I didn’t realize that he was
WALKING!!! He is using the walker
and taking deliberate steps not only at the Physical Therapist but also here at
home. He showed the kids at New
Years also. It gives me so much
hope that he will indeed get better – step by step!
January 8 – Jim’s 43rd
birthday. This is what I wrote to
him via email:
HAP HAP HAPPY BIRTHDAY
TO OUR OLDEST BABY BOY!
Who knew
that having you would be the start of a wonderful life for us. You are an
amazing man and a blessing of joy and happiness that goes beyond what words can
express! We treasure every memory and every day of your life.
Thanks for
being here for us these last months. Your concern and caring are
appreciated so very much.
Have a
great day and a wonderful year!
Love, Mom
and Dad
He has been a wonderful son and a great example to all of his
siblings. He and Clorinda are
soooo supportive and helpful. We
appreciate them so much!
Jan 10, 2015
Jay was ordained a High Priest by his dad and put in as 2nd Counselor in the Springville 8th Ward Bishopric today. He seems very excited and looks very handsome in his new suit. We went out for a dinner celebration with Jay and Sara and family Saturday night. The kids had just been told that he was being put in the bishopric and they were very delighted. I have thought about this and I think the reason is because they have been taught about respecting the position of the bishop and following his leadership. Now their dad is a part of a bishopric and they already know this is an important calling in their ward and for their dad as well.
Jay was ordained a High Priest by his dad and put in as 2nd Counselor in the Springville 8th Ward Bishopric today. He seems very excited and looks very handsome in his new suit. We went out for a dinner celebration with Jay and Sara and family Saturday night. The kids had just been told that he was being put in the bishopric and they were very delighted. I have thought about this and I think the reason is because they have been taught about respecting the position of the bishop and following his leadership. Now their dad is a part of a bishopric and they already know this is an important calling in their ward and for their dad as well.
Having Jim serve as a counselor in 4 different
bishoprics and then as a Bishop I know what a blessing this will be for their
family… it always was for us. Especially when Jim served as Bishop, I felt the blessings in
our home. During that time I had
Amy, we moved twice and then again as he was released. We felt the Lord’s direction and
comfort in any trials we had during that time. Not to say life was easy but we made it through and grew in
our testimonies and the strength of our family.
So now there are 3 sons (Pete will soon be
ordained) who are High Priests… that should make me feel very old but it also
makes me feel proud and glad that they have all remained worthy to be called into
the higher priesthood. I have no
doubt that all of my sons will remain faithful and worthy for all of their
lives and that includes Dan and Nigel as well. Today Nigel and Dave serve as Elder’s Quorum presidents,
John is a scout master and teaches Elder’s quorum and has served several times
as an Elder’s quorum president, Mike although currently in limbo because of his
move has served faithfully in the past as an Elder’s quorum president and in
the Young Mens, and Pete is now his Stake’s Executive Secretary. Jim has served in two bishoprics and
now serves as his wards Mission Leader. I realize that it is not where you serve but how
willingly and worthily you serve… every one of these men has shown me that
example. I am pleased with each of
them and the direction their lives have taken.
Of the mistakes I have made in my life, I
know that one of them is not raising a righteous and obedient family. My family is my greatest gift and
Tender Mercy.
January 13
2015 I received a
wonderful letter from our dear friends, The Willits and so sent her the
following reply:
Dear Cathie:
How good it
was to get your letter. I thank you so much for your empathy! You
obviously were reading my thoughts between the lines. Yes this has not
been an easy trip for me. Some days I wonder if I still have a life of my
own. It is almost worse than having 8 kids! NOt that Jim is hard on
me at all (in fact his patience and acceptance of his situation has
amazed me). It is just the whole care giver thing that can be so irritating.
I didn't sign up for this! Oh well, such is life - if it isn't one thing
it would be another and it could be a lot worse!
I didn't
know about your struggles and that Jim had problems with his arms and all
that. I cannot believe that Jim's parents are still alive (are they in
their 80's - I guess so). Mine and Jim's parents have both been gone for
some years now and so caring for them is not a concern but I know that is very
hard.
Your kids
sound alive and busy as are ours. I love being a grandma but it is one of
those things that you just never quite do as well as you wish you could.
I love them so much but I am no rich grandma who can give them all the things I
wish I could. Not that they expect a lot but at the same time it would be
fun to go visit them or take them out for lunch or whatever and just spoil them
rotten. We were all just together a week ago when Laura blessed her new
little daughter Violet and Amy blessed her new baby boy Sam. The only
ones that couldn't come were Pete and his family who live in Houston TX.
Amy (who is my youngest) lives just a few minutes away and so I get to cuddle
with Sam almost every day. It makes me happy so why the heck am I
complaining... I think I am one of those old ladies who I used to wonder about.
I am trying not to be ornery - I hope I make it most days!
Well, dear
friend you sound so much like the Cathie I know and love. My
memories stretch from Belly dancing lessons for Young Women in Fremont to
spending time at Tahoe together. I fondly remember an Easter in Yerington
when Jim made us all fantastic Crepes. I remember and often tell the
story to my kids about going to your house in Fremont and Holly had her mouth
full. We asked her what she was doing and she said "Eating
Rocks"... I think she was just like younger than 2. I remember
going to someone’s condo and leaving Jim in the middle of the night when we
went to have John and when we drove into their driveway which looked just like
yours (and here he is 19 months old) and he says plain as day "Holly
Willits!"
I remember
our feelings about poddy training and how certainly our children would be
trained by the time they were two or so... ha, ha, ha. At least to
me! And then of course when we came and brought most of our truck load of
children to stay with you in California and we saw Kunta Kin Tay (Toby?
your dog!) Well I could go on with those days of fun and laughter.
You taught me so much about just living. I hope we maybe someday can sit
down and just enjoy life together again. You are dear to me. Thanks
for being my dear friend... and Jim too! Love, Kathy
Cathie’s return message to me on Jan 18, 2015
Hi Kathy,
You know, I have been reading between the lines all along. You have been
an amazing wife and mother. I wonder if I "get credit" for
things I have done because I tend to be grouchy about it all, but you have
remained supportive and optimistic even when there probably was no
evidence that things in your life would work out. Then we come to
our older years and think; "Really??? Now this???"
Life was hard enough as it was!!!
Were
you still around when Jim had that bone tumor and had his good arm in a cast
for four months? Kayleen was about three months old, as I recall.
Maybe you were. I thought to myself at first how hard for
Jim! Then, after about twenty minutes, I thought; "Poor
ME!!!!" His calls for help made me want to scream. Now
isn't that a great wife? Brush his teeth. Wipe his bottom.
Dress him. Feed him. I have often thought since, that was the true
test of our marriage. All that would come after was balanced on that
foundation of HARD. Just saying I so understand about caregiving
and what you are doing right now. I have often thought there
will definitely be elder abuse by Jim or me, if not both. Just in
our natures, I think. We are really nice people until we have to
take care of each other. No sweet Ensign article or family
history page about us tenderly moping one another's brow, or holding
hands at the end, I'm afraid. ( "thought Mom and Dad were going to
kill each other!!")
So with all you are trying to manage, is there any time for you? There is
nothing worse than feeling like we have no control or choice. You must
find something that helps you not feel backed into a corner. Hard for
someone who has sacrificed and given her whole life, but so necessary right
now. Put Kathy at the top of the list. A class. A
walk. Sitting and reading some mindless Cross Country Quilters novel.
Something you have to look forward to each week. And as for wishing
you could do more for your grandchildren - - - you are doing what they need
most - loving them!!!!! They will say for their entire lives what a
loving grandmother they had, not "Remember when Grandma Kathy gave me an
Xbox? " But I know what you mean - time to enjoy them,
splurge, spoil. It's so fun.
I
sat and cried and laughed reading about our early exploits! I had
forgotten some, like the belly dancing. What was the TV program they
wanted to watch and we said "no" and someone brought a tv
anyway? Did I remember that right?? Your legacy of leadership
began in that presidency, didn't it? What a tutorial!
Amazing that Jim and Holly are now in their 40s. I surely wish she would
get married. Did I already harp about that in my letter to you? Kayleen -
- - I have accepted her decision not to. She and Eric are married as far
as I am concerned. 12 years together - both so respectful and kind to
each other. Shoot. They could give Jim and me marriage counseling. But
Holly wants it, I think. And her little boy needs it too.
It is interesting, isn't it? Life's personal challenges? We were in
the middle of heartache, and wretchedness with our teens and young
adults. One by one they went off the deep end and we were having life
experiences that most of our friends were not. One of them came to me one
day with her sweet way and said something like; - she could not imagine living
with these things. Instead theirs had always been a struggle to have
money. Had raised their family in a small, no frills apartment.
Both had worked so hard and they just never could get ahead. Never took
trips. Always were so careful with their meager income. In her
private way this friend was saying how we all have something to struggle
with. I really appreciated that insight. Yes, we were sending kids
to rehab and having the police at our door, but we had health, and a
comfortable income - we had many, many blessings along with the
hard. I had lost sight of that in my whining.
Prayers for
you and Jim. I can't believe you remember the name of our dog, let alone
that we had one. Yes, Kunta Kin Ta! Ha! Such
wonderful memories together. Maybe they are not over. Maybe we can
at least keep in touch this way and maybe even visit again. ( although we
are not nearly as much fun as we used to be.) :) You and Jim
were family at a time when we needed family. You will always seem
like family.
Love my
friend - - - thank you for being mine. Love to Jim too, Cathie
Jan 27, 2015
Got this message from Clorinda. I am so pleased with these
grandchildren and all that they are doing. We pray for them constantly and hope that they continue to
prepare for missions and stay worthy at all costs. They are really good kids!
Dear Kathy (and Jim)
I wanted to write a quick note and ask you if you would
like to come down in February for Kathryn's play - Peter Pan. It will be the Tuesday after
President's Day, which is February 17th. The play starts at 5pm and they have a
second show at 7:30pm. I don't
know if you will be able to make it, and it's OK - Kathryn is playing one of
the Lost Boys, so she won't be on the stage as much as she was when she played
Jasmin in Aladdin. However, I still wanted to ask.
We had Michael over for dinner last night and then we had
FHE. I decided that Marien should give the talk on personal scripture study
that she gave in one of the other wards in our stake. Michael, of course,
missed it, and Jim had PEC so he didn't get to go either. So that was the first
part of our lesson. The second part was Clayton giving his talk - he was asked
to speak in our ward, and he agreed to summarize it for Michael. His talk was
about personal goals. It was really the best talk he's ever given. We were so
proud. He talked about his goals for knowlege or education, having a family and
being a dad, serving a mission, and the ultimate goal of exaltation. He had
scripture references for each one. He made a comment during his talk, that he
was really good with kids and so why wasn't getting asked to babysit like all
of the Beehives? It was half-joking, half-not. Well, there were several ladies
who interested in his services after the meeting!
So, I need to go, but I hope that everything is going well
for you. We miss you!
Love, Clorinda
Jan 28, 2015
Someone asked me the other day how I
was. I guess I hesitated before
answering and they mentioned that I had to think about it so I must not be so
great. I said I really was okay
but then thought about it a bit more and realized how many things continue to
go on in our lives. I am grateful
that the Lord continues to bless us and help us through our ordeals.
I am worried about Jim again right now. He is in a lot of pain in his upper
back which the PT says is mostly posture and he needs to exercise. He also seems very pale again and I am
not sure who to talk to because I am not that confident in any of the local
doctors.
Dave and Dani have been having a few problems including a
pregnancy that seems to threaten a miscarriage. I am not supposed to know about it and therefore cannot really
say anything to Dani even though I know she is hurting and worried.
Mike and Liana are up in the air about
getting settled in Las Vegas. She
is looking for a job but everything takes time. I worry about her driving back and forth to Vegas on the
road from Laramie which can be so treacherous.
I have heard that Natalie is having some
major problems with anxiety. John
took her to the doctor yesterday because she has been cutting herself. I don’t even know where to begin with
that.
And just a few minutes ago Dave called and said
the restaurant was on fire and the fire department was there. No idea how much damage that might be
or how it might affect business.
So why would I hesitate when someone asks me
how things are. I shouldn’t add
them up because then it becomes overwhelming. I think what I need to do is get on my knees and pray for
help and comfort. I know the Lord
always blesses us and so I will do that.
I don’t know if problems will go away but I do know that with the Lord’s
help I can meet the challenges!
February 1, 2015
Well I guess my last entry was pretty much
right on. Right after I wrote that
I did pray and ask for help and then…
On the very day I made this entry… probably as I was writing it or right
after, Jim had a major episode:
threw up blood, fell out of bed, passed out etc. It was very un-nerving to me this time
since he has had enough episodes these last months and I wonder how many more
he can make it through. We called
the ambulance, he went to the ER and then to ICU where they pumped in 4 units
of blood. He was in the hospital
until Saturday the 31st but is doing much better again and a I
thought about the back aching etc. I realized it was that his ulcer was acting
up and that creates pain in his back and shoulders. So I guess that answered that question.
The good part is that they were able to
increase his hemoglobin count, he is feeling better, we are going to watch more
carefully what pills (ibuprofen and aspirin) he is taking, and when his back
starts to give him pain I might be a little smarter and tell the doctor instead
of ask!
This episode was hard on me. He was unresponsive when I tried to
help him. He just looked at me
with a blank stare like he was going to die at any minute. I cannot get that stare out of my mind…
well yes I can and I will. I
cannot believe that the Lord continues to bless us as he does. My RS president, Kris Anderson,
happened to hear about the ambulance and so she was here when they were taking
Jim out. She said I was so
calm. I thought to myself, I always
am calm when it is going on. I am
blessed with the comfort of the Holy Ghost and he brings me through
EVERYTIME! A tender mercy indeed.
Another thing to say is that Jim has a
renewed desire to get up and get this over with. I think he had two hard weeks with flu-like symptoms and
pain. This brought him down. But now, last night, he was feeling
better and he told Dave and I that he was going to do more to get around and
exercise. I realizes that he needs
to build his strength. Dave and I
both mentioned that it wouldn’t take just exercising but also eating
right. We can do this and perhaps
the bleeding ulcer has helped us regroup and set goals again! Another Tender Mercy!
Feb 10 , 2015
Today our friends the Meldrums came into the
café. They live in Vancouver,
Washington but were taking a trip through Utah and stopped in to see us. We haven’t seen them in 25 years! George served in Jim’s bishopric in
Hawaii and we were just all good friends while we lived there. They have boys, our oldest boys
ages: John is the same as our
John, Scott same as Peter and Daniel probably between Jay and Mike. We had some great reminiscing and it
was fun to pick up like that.
Sometimes I think that people wouldn’t care if I stopped by to visit
them but I know from those who have come to see us over the last years, it has
been such a treat. It makes me
glad that we have moved around as much as we have because we have quite a
collection of amazing friends!
Feb 12. 2015
Dear
Susan:
I have
sat down to write this a couple of times today and somehow I get turned in the
wrong direction. This morning I changed the sheets on my bed. Jim
and I both use the blankets you made for us and as I was changing the bed it
was brought to my attention how much I appreciate the work you put into those
blankets. But not just that... it is the work you put into our friendship
and how muchwe appreciate you. Christmas dinner, birthdays, visits... all
of those things that you go the extra mile to do for us. Thank you for
being such a great friend. I think you are smart because every morning
when I make the bed I do think of you when I look at those blankets and I
think... "how special a friend you are to me."
I am
sorry that I haven't had much time in recent months to do things for you.
I really hope you are okay. You are dearer to me than my own sister and I
just love you so much. I worry that you get lonely and that the days are
sometimes so long for you. I wish that we were closer. I wish that
we were just "us four amigos" still and could go sailing and playing
cards and doing fun things together.
Our car
mechanism broke and we had to take the van up to Sandy last week. While
we traveled we played "Flashbacks" and "the Seasons"
CD's. It was kind of funny because I kept thinking Jim was singing along
but he wasn't... it was the CD. We both ended up with tears in our eyes
for the memories of such good times and wonderful friends. Jim said
"it was the best times of his whole life" and I believe that.
It was for me too and I wasn't even singing!
I call it a tender mercy to
have had friends like you and Richard. There will never be anyone else
that we treasure so dearly.
So thanks for making
blankets, and dinners, and bringing over fruit cakes and all the things you do
to enhance our lives. You are the best.
Love, Kathy
2/14/15
Hi
Grandma,
I
just wanted to tell you how amazing you are. You are dealing with being a
mother, grandmother, buisnesswoman,friend and caring for grandpa, You do so
many wonderful things for so many people. I love getting your e-mails, it helps
me know that we did not move and then be forgotten,I know that you still care
and love me and my family. Thank you so much for the valentine cards! I know it
has to be hard to have Grandpa sick or recovering. Have faith. Everything will
be okay, I'm exited to talk to you or see you next time you come up or we go
down to visit.
I
love you so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much !
LOVE,
Tara
2/17/15
The letter below has significance because Susan and I exchange about 4-5 birthday cards every year (mostly insulting old age cards). When these incidents occurred I thought of her…
The letter below has significance because Susan and I exchange about 4-5 birthday cards every year (mostly insulting old age cards). When these incidents occurred I thought of her…
Jim was just looking
at something on his kindle - a picture of 3 old ladies. He told me the story
that was attached.
Three old sisters
live together in a house. They are 92, 94, and 96. The oldest
sister goes up stairs to take a bath and puts her foot in the water. She
thinks for a minute and says "Was I just getting into the bath or out of the
bath?" Her 94 year old sister says she will come up the stairs and
see what was happening. She starts up the stairs but then stops for a
minute and says "Was I just going up the stairs or coming down the
stairs?" The youngest sister is sitting at the kitchen table having
tea. She says to herself "Oh, I hope I don't get as old as those
two," and then knocks on wood. She then yells up to her
sisters "I'll be right there to help you as soon as I see who is at the
door!"
Ha, ha, ha. I
know you are the younger of us two but perhaps no smarter as you get into this
"older age". I had a senior moment last night actually. I
have just been called to be the compassionate service leader and I had to make
assignments for a new baby family. I thought I was in good shape and had
made all the assignments but then I looked on my email and saw that one sister
(who happens to be the last compassionate service leader) said she would bring
food on Wednesday... "Yikes, I say to myself. I have already assigned
out Wednesday - how did I mix this up????" So I emailed her and said,
"Oh can you do Friday... I thought I assigned you Friday and I am actually
covered for Wednesday" She writes back - "It's okay, I am
planning on Friday because you called me last week and said you had someone for
Wednesday and so could I do Friday.... " Completely forgot the phone
call (even now I am struggling to remember calling her.)
I can only blame this
on the fact that Laura and her three children (the youngest being a screaming -
I mean screaming 2 month old) were here for 4 days and I just can't concentrate
or even think under such circumstances.
Oh well, I am sure
you understand since you are old too. I hope I remember your birthday
this year but if not and I start to panic just remind me that I sent you the
story above and wished you a Happy Birthday a little early. Even if I
have forgotten this it will ease my mind.
Love you Susan...
Kathy
Kelley Ward was one of our
neighbors when we first moved to New Harmony. Her husband Larry recently passed away from cancer. Both of them have been good friends and
tender mercies in our lives.
February
17 ,2015
Dear Kelley,
Just wanted to let you know how sorry we are to
hear of Larry’s passing. I am sure
it is a bitter-sweet time for you…
losing him but at the same
time having him finally escape the pain and misery he surely must have
been suffering.
time having him finally escape the pain and misery he surely must have
been suffering.
I told my kids about Larry and they all
said: “Please tell Kelley we love
her and that we love Larry as well.”
They will always remember their
favorite bus driver! You know, he was a life-saver for Amy and for Dave when we first moved to New Harmony. Amy had such a hard
time in Las Vegas and she was so shy. I had to walk her to class every day and she would be so upset. I didn’t know how she would ride a bus all the way in to Cedar. But Larry was great and that was such a good experience for those two kids to spend that time on the school bus!
favorite bus driver! You know, he was a life-saver for Amy and for Dave when we first moved to New Harmony. Amy had such a hard
time in Las Vegas and she was so shy. I had to walk her to class every day and she would be so upset. I didn’t know how she would ride a bus all the way in to Cedar. But Larry was great and that was such a good experience for those two kids to spend that time on the school bus!
You are also a dear memory for our
children. You have always been so
friendly and caring. Although we
haven’t seen much of each other over the last years, you are always not far
from our thoughts. We all love you
and we cherish the time we lived close by you and were in the ward with you.
You have sent me many sweet notes over the years
that have lifted me and given me confidence I didn’t know I had. I love you for
so many reasons. You are such a dear and a cherished friend.
May the Lord bless you during this time and may
he comfort you and give you strength.
I know he will and I know you will listen to him. You are a blessing to many and now let
those of us who can bless your life.
We care and we want to help.
We love you Kelley.
Jim and Kathy Fontano
February 22, 2015
Dear Natalie:
Today is your 15th birthday!!! Happy birthday beautiful girl. I was writing on facebook today to wish
you a happy birthday and came across some of your pictures. I went through them and they made me
happy! You are developing into
such a beautiful young woman.
There were pictures of you in Alaska, on a boat, freezing
cold, with your brothers, and with your mom. There were pictures of you in Utah on a hike, in the
Narrows, with your brothers, with your dad, at a band concert playing your
flute, and with your friends.
I am sure that in your life, there will be many more
pictures. I hope that they will
show a happy and contented girl. A
beautiful girl who knows who she is and what is important in her life. A daughter of our Heavenly Father who
has chosen to live and trust in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. A young woman who has made good choices
and has prepared herself for future blessings like a mission, a temple
marriage, an education, a career that she enjoys and especially motherhood.
Grandpa and I are very proud of you. You have to work so hard every day and
take care of your brothers. You
are so good to them and they love you.
They look to your example and follow your counsel.
We know that it is not easy to do all that you do that most
girls your age don’t have to worry about.
We are glad to see the relationship that you have with both your dad and
your mom; that you honor each of them and follow their counsel. You are a special daughter to each of
them and even if they are apart, it doesn’t change that their love for you is
the same.
We know that you have many things to work for in your
future. We know that the Holy
Ghost will bless and comfort you through these maturing years. He will lead you if you remain worthy
and stay close to him and to your Savior.
We can guarantee you that as you follow the Savior he will be your best
friend and even when things seem to go against you, he can lift you, sustain
you, and bless you.
So as you face the next years of your life, we hope you know
that we care about you. That we pray
for you every day. That we love
you so much. You are one of our
many grandchildren and one of our best grandchildren. We know that we haven’t been so close as we were because of
Grandpa’s illness but it doesn’t change our feelings for you and our thoughts
about you and how precious you are!
Have a happy #15th year Nattie Girl… enjoy every day.
Love, Grandma and Grandpa
February 25, 2015
So what I am writing about
has turned into a Tender Mercy but at the time it happened it was more like a
bad experience. Monday the rental
office called and told Jim they would be doing a walk through our house
tomorrow from noon until 12:30 pm.
So I worked Monday night to get the floors cleaned with the rug cleaner
and then got up and vacuumed everything, cleaned everything, put things away
that we usually leave out for convenience etc. I even shined the refrigerator with aluminum cleaner. At 5 to noon I sat down and read
scriptures while I waited for the inspection… At 1:30 pm no one had yet come. Amy had even called during that time to ask if she could
come over and take a nap since Sam had kept her up all night. I told her she would have to wait until
after the inspectors left. Finally
Jim called the office and they said “Oh no we said next Monday March 2nd
at noon.” Well that was upsetting
to say the least. Now I will have
to do this cleaning all over again.
Not to say that it isn’t nice to have a clean, clean, clean house today
but the thought that I will have to clean, clean, clean the house again next
Monday morning just made me mad! I
only resent using the rug cleaner again but I know I will have to because the
Jazzy just tracks in dirt. Well
that is the Tender Mercy today is that the house is in pretty good order and is
should be next week too!
Another Tender Mercy is an
article in the New Era. I do not
usually read the New Era but in my daily scripture study I always read at least
one article in the Ensign and since I have finished up there I have read in the
New Era over the last few days. Today’s
article had to do with cement. The
girl writing talked about following an older girl to school and how she tried
to do everything the older girl did – in how she looked, in how she walked,
even in where she walked. At one
point the older girl stepped off the sidewalk and into the street so the girl
stepped off the sidewalk and into the street. Then the older girl got back onto the sidewalk, so the girl
got back onto the sidewalk. She
was suddenly in cement and realized that was why the other girl had stepped off
and then back on – because she saw the cement. This follower was only watching the older girl and not
reasoning why. She said it opened
her eyes and has in the years since to paying attention to her own life choices
rather than blindly following the “world.” She went on to say what choices and practices young women
should make. It was a great
article and I want to share it with my granddaughters. I think it was a tender mercy today to
read in the New Era (February 2015).
February 27, 2015
I just had a Mary and Martha
moment. I think I am Martha and I
do my Visiting Teaching like it is a chore that I have to accomplish by the end
of the month. My companion,
however, is Mary (real name
Lynette Roundy.) She is darling
and she comes Visiting Teaching with a smile on her face and today she brought
donuts! What could be better than
to indulge in donuts while you talk about the gosple. Loved it and it put a new perspective on this chore – a Mary
perspective. I know that Lynette
wouldn’t get the job done if Martha (me) didn’t set the appointments and
sometimes even give the lessons BUT she will be there for those sisters and she
will help to brighten their day (and mine too).
March 1, 2015
I should probably be embarrassed to print this letter that I sent to my Relief Society president after she gave a lesson on friendshipping on Sunday. I am going to include it however because she gave me a wonderful response and it is something that I need to remember as I get these feelings again. Another tender mercy…
I should probably be embarrassed to print this letter that I sent to my Relief Society president after she gave a lesson on friendshipping on Sunday. I am going to include it however because she gave me a wonderful response and it is something that I need to remember as I get these feelings again. Another tender mercy…
Kris: Thanks for your
lesson today. I appreciate the efforts your presidency is making to bring
our ward together. I have had a very hard adjustment in this ward not
because people are not friendly but mostly because I just don't know where to
start. Being friendly with some one is different than feeling a part of
the ward. The older I get, the harder it seems to be to make friends in a
new ward. I know in my case this time it has been hard because we just
got started in the ward and then Jim got sick and I haven't been able to get
involved.
I do
have a couple of thoughts though because although I want to feel a part of
things I also feel like I am forcing myself on people who already have
friends. Sometimes it is just so hard to go and sit by someone in RS
because you just feel like you are butting in... If sisters would say,
here sit by me - wow wouldn't that be great. But then I notice that a lot
of the sisters just end up sitting by themselves. At the YSA stake we had
a slogan that basically said "No one sits alone." I notice that
you as a presidency make an effort to sit by different sisters when you are
done conducting - I think that is huge.
I
don't know why I have talked myself out of just introducing myself to different
people but I think the devil is good at telling me that no one really wants to
get to know someone new, or I am too old, or I am not in who-evers social
group. I even talked myself out of coming to the RS Social the
other night because I was sure I would end up at a table alone... I know if I
would have been alone it would have been my own fault but that doesn't change
how hard it is to just do it. Even when we did the funeral I was too shy
to go and sit down at the table with everyone and eat.
On a
positive note, I think that the dinner groups sounds amazing! I have been
to Book Club and if I would get my act together I would be there again (if Jim
will behave and not end up in the hospital so often). I think the Seasons
activities sound great but for some reason we always have a doctor or Physical
Therapy appointment on those days. And believe it or not, in all of my
years until the last few I never missed a Homemaking or Enrichment
meeting. I guess what I mean by this is that I can see it is hard for
these older women who are new like me to find a place and to feel included... I
am going to work at it. I told Melony this week that I would invite her
to go with me next time some event came up because we both hesitate due to lack
of friends. So this is a good thing.
I am
just saying here that I have hit a new stage in my life and I basically hate
it! I appreciate all you do and I appreciate your concern because it is a
problem for some of us. I know that as I get to know the sisters through
my calling that I will get more involved and I will find more
friendships. Your lesson confirmed for me that I am the one that needs to
step out of my comfort zone - even if I am a newer person there are others that
are in need of friendship and service. I hope I can step up to that..
I
think part of this calling as Compassionate Service might be to provide more
than food. I know that people like Verona and others are going through
tough times. I hope that I can help you offer some of that service that
will bring them comfort... in so doing perhaps I can help to build a greater
empathy for them but also have a feeling of love for more of the sisters in the
ward... old or young, new or settled...
So that is what I was going
to write on my little card today but I don't think it would have fit. You
are awesome and I know that you are so sincere in reaching out to each of the
sisters. You are warm and compassionate. Please do not take my
writings as a criticism because I know I am just going through a weird time but
I remember being your age and being totally involved in life and not
really understanding what it was like to go over the hill... So perhaps
you opened a can of worms today but if those things I have mentioned can help
you in any way with these ideas and efforts you are making, I hope you will
consider them.
Thanks for
"listening". Kathy F.
Her responsce:
I
can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate your honest feedback!
This is exactly what I need! Don't you feel bad for even one second! Your email
was not critical in any way. You have some great suggestions! As we
all work together, we can make the small changes that will bring us closer as
sisters. You are right, there are little changes we can make to make things
better, if we all work together to be little more outgoing and friendly we will
see great things happen. Not an easy thing to do for most sisters!!! It
is something that I have worked very hard to overcome for almost 20 years and
yet there are times when I still struggle. I totally get not being brave enough
to sit and eat and visit. I have done that very thing before. You are
completely amazing and have made me feel so happy with your kind compliments
that I would have never guessed that you felt so alone. I am positive
that there are many others that feel this way also. I have felt the
Spirit guiding me in this direction for several months now. I value your
thoughts, suggestions and opinions. Please continue to offer feedback as
we move forward with this plan. Thank you for all you do to help the
sisters in the ward. I couldn't do this without you! I love you so much
and am so grateful that you are my friend and neighbor!
My response:
Thanks
Kris for taking the time to respond. I know this is such a busy week for
you!!! I appreciate that you understand my motives in expressing some of
my thoughts. I will try to step up also and be friendlier... I had
a friend from the temple call me yesterday - out of the blue and it reminded me
that I do have friends, maybe not so many in the ward yet but they are
there. I might even mention that working in the temple, where I thought I
would just be welcomed and included was an amazing struggle. Sisters are not
always willing to open themselves up, even there. I ended up making some
very dear relationships but it took quite awhile - not to say that one works in
the temple (or in the ward) to make friends but it is surprising when people
just aren't real friendly and open. I thought older people were more that
way! Now I'm older and I am learning new things.
Have
a great week - thanks for sharing your thoughts, I feel better. I was
really worried that I would have offended you although that was never my
intent. Your right, I am glad I was honest because I think there are
others that are having a hard time and certainly not in this ward only. I
have moved and moved and moved and it has been so easy sometimes and is just
getting harder because we are all busy and have personal struggles. I know
these things - I am just trying to remember that I know them.
By
the way, Jim had another scope today and the ulcer is healing beautifully Dr.
Munford said!!! Yay and yay. Life really is good, I just have
my moments and I thank you for truly being a FRIEND to me!!! You truly
are a great leader and a compassionate friend.
NOW I JUST NEED TO REMEMBER
WHEN I AM FEELING DOWN TO RE-READ THIS EXCHANGE!
March
11, 2015 is Susan Greenburg’s birthday.
She is one of my very dearest friends. Every year we send each other 4 or 5 “humorous” birthday
cards. This is the enclosure for
this year but don’t get me wrong – I might be mean but she is a BFF and I
consider her friendship a tender mercy.
Dear
Susan on your 60th? Birthday.
I am pretty sure we count our 5 years difference from you to me which
makes you 60 YEARS OLD… Definitely OVER THE HILL!
So
here are my thoughts on this momentous birthday occasion:
1. I am writing this in type
size 16 so you can read it.
2. I am trying to sound
positive as you approach the 6th decade because everything does fall
apart.
3. I warn you that things you
thought were okay are not really okay.
4. I warn you that people will
now look at you like they feel sorry for you because you really are sooooo old
and decrepit.
5. Do you remember the year
that you and Diane brought me my birthday cake full of candles (my 53rd
year I believe) and the cake would not support the amount of FIRE? Well just be glad I am not there to
fill a cake for you with 60 CANDLES – that would mean an EXPLOSION!
6. I just saw a picture of you
with Nolan on Facebook when he changed his Profile picture and you do look cute
and wonderful BUT underneath all that we both really know that you do look a
lot worse than you did when I first knew you some 24 or more years ago. (so do I but we are not talking about
me at this time.)
7. I have noticed over the last
years you have gotten nicer in your card selections and I believe that you have
even said some nice things to me but I want you to know that I never intend to
be nice to you because I know you feel sorry for me because I am older than you
and I do not feel sorry for you because you are younger than me!
8. The card with the dog that
says you are a cute person is probably lying… he probably feels sorry for you.
9. The fish card is to prepare
you for Fiji and all the fun you will have with the ocean and the tropical
breezes … I really do hope that all of your fishes will come true on your
mission (and that is the only nice thing I am saying!)
I
LOVE YOU AND SINCERELY WISH YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! YOU ARE THE BEST! (that is the only other nice thing I am
saying!
March
8, 2015
Today
twe were late getting to church.
Jim’s back and hips were really hurting him and he had a hard time
getting ready. We knew we were
going to be late but I hoped we wouldn’t miss the Sacrament. Sure enough, when we got into the lobby
of the building I could hear the Sacrament Prayer on the bread being
given. I was so grateful and we
were able to partake of the Sacrament.
At the same time however there was a sad point in that we were in the
lobby there was a man there who was also partaking of the Sacrament but he
didn’t stop talking to people around him.
Although this aggravated me, it also opened my eyes up to the importance
of the Sacrament to me and my desire to be reverent. His irreverence pointed out how important it was to focus on
the Savior and why we take the Sacrament and allow others to also have the
privilege.
These
last weeks I have felt sad because I feel like I don’t have many friends right
now. I have acquaintances and I
have some people who I think I know something about but mostly I don’t have
people around me who would care about me or would have a history with me. Tonight Jim was asked to help in Cedar
Stake with their sound system.
We attended a part of the Stake Women’s Conference which was a musical
portrayal of The Ten Virgins. It
was very well done and I enjoyed it.
I also enjoyed the many sisters I recognized as friends from my years
living in Cedar Stake. It buoyed
me up to recognize many sisters who seemed genuinely glad to see me and I was
genuinely glad to see them. I
think I can keep surviving where I am remembering now that there are many sweet
sisters that I love and know that they love me too. To name a few:
Carolyn Pace, Lori Shirley, Holly Clark, Megan Pace, Elmalynne Prince,
Barbara Beatty, Deb Johnson, Sis. Goodwin, Helen Thompson, Darrow Jessen, Jill
Elliss, Carol, Bev…
3/21/15
To our Darling Mackenzie!
How many ways can we say fifteen? At least 15 ways I am sure and it means HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU EVERY TIME!
How many ways can we say fifteen? At least 15 ways I am sure and it means HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU EVERY TIME!
1.
You are one awesome young woman
2.
You set such a great example for
your family
3.
You set such a great example for
your friends
4.
You set such a great example for
your old grandparents
5.
You are an amazing artist
6.
You have such a sweet heart
7.
You are a great worker
8.
You have a wonderful testimony
9.
You have such a cheerful
disposition
10. You have such a cheerful countenance that radiates goodness
11. You are so kind
12. You are so loving
13. You are so giving
14. You are so beautiful inside and out
15. You are a very special daughter of God
Wow, we can hardly believe how old you
are. Good thing you aren’t 16 yet…
I don’t know if I could think of another good thing about you – only kidding I bet I could think of at least
two or three more things!!!
What great memories we have or your
life. You are one awesome young
woman. You have brought us such
joy. It seems like only yesterday
you were singing “I am a child of God” and not missing a single word (that was
when I think you were only two) – can you still do it?
I remember about that same time you would
play dead and we couldn’t get you to open your eyes for anything.
I remember that you were a true Veggie Tales
fan!
I remember that you would light up like a
candle when you would see me (grandma) and make me feel like I was the best
thing going when you were just a baby!
You won my heart then and I still treasure you to this day!
Have a great birthday #15 and a great
year! We love you sooooo much!
March 31,
2015
We are so
blessed to have this girl in our family.
She is special to us.
Dear Dani:
Happy 29th Birthday! We hope you have a wonderful day and
then an amazing 29th year as well!
We want you to know how fond we are of
you. You are such a joy and we
couldn’t ask for a sweeter, kinder, more loving daughter-in-law.
You take such great care of Dave and Griffin
and now our new little grand-baby will be so lucky to have such a wonderful
mom!
Thank you for your concern for us. Thank you for all the thoughtful things
you have done over these last months to make life easier (and sometimes funner)
for me and Jim.
You are such a wonderful person. We are so grateful to have you in our
lives and in our family!
Love always, Kathy and Jim (Mom and Dad #2)
Is there are more tender mercy than having
Grandchildren? They are one of the
great joys of my life. This is the
Easter Message I wrote to them for April 5, 2015…
HOPPY EASTER
DAY TO OUR FAVORITE GRANDCHILDREN
We hope you enjoy a beautiful spring day and
notice the flowers and the new growth around you. This is called a time of re-birth.
When your parents were younger we would have
what we called a Repentance Dinner.
The week before we had this dinner we would each think of something we
needed to repent of. Perhaps it
had to do with being kind to each other, or maybe we had taken something that
wasn’t ours, or maybe we had told a lie.
Whatever it was, we would decide to repent of this transgression or sin
and enjoy a rebirth of our own.
We would then work hard for the whole week
(sometimes the week before Easter) and we would pray, we would ask for
forgiveness, we would make amends for our trespass and we would try hard to be
better.
At the end of the week would be our special
Family Repentance Dinner. If we
had made a good effort to repent and if we felt like we could stop doing what
we had done before we could participate in the Repentance Dinner.
The Repentance Dinner was a special
event. Each of us got to pick one
favorite food that we loved. Maybe
barbequed steak, roast beef, tacos, or even mashed potatoes and gravy, macaroni
and cheese, or banana cream pie… That item was added to our menu for the whole
family meal!
We usually had this meal close to Easter and
we talked about repentance and the Atonement of our Savior. This helped us to think about our
Savior and all he has done and continues to do for us.
So this Easter time maybe your family will
think about having a repentance dinner and maybe you can atone for one or some
of your sins.
We are very blessed to have wonderful
children and amazing grandchildren.
If we all remember to repent and try to stay close to the Savior then
someday we can all live together in Heaven!
Have a HOPPY, HAPPY EASTER DAY and enjoy your
treats but most of all remember our Savior Jesus Christ and try to be the best
you can be for him!
We love you so much… you really are AMAZING
AND AWESOME – stay that way!
Love, Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Jim
March 11, 2015
Dear Amy:
Happy Birthday # 26! We can hardly believe that you are so
grown up… a wife, a mother, a YW leader.
You are amazing and we are so proud of you!
You are an especially good mother to Sammy
D. You can tell that he misses you
when you leave the room and he just lights up when you come in. He is a mama’s boy and that is okay because
he has a wonderful mama and you are doing such a great job with him.
We are so glad to have you for our special
daughter as well. You have done so
much to help us through this last year!
We couldn’t have managed without you… of if we did manage, it wouldn’t
have been half as well. Thank you
a zillion times for being here when not only Dad needed you but I certainly
needed you – to help me do hard things, to brighten my day, to listen to my
moans and groans, and also to not judge but encourage!
You have developed in so many ways… you
exemplify hope and love, you have courage and determination, you are unselfish
and you serve others. From the
stand point of being your parents – it is a delight to watch you grow into such
an amazing woman.
We love you so much. Have a great birthday and a great year
ahead!
Mom and Dad
April 17, 2015 Jay’s Sacrament Talk… a blessing and tender mercy today and
everyday to have such a humble and obedient son in my life.
Sara and I met in Las Vegas and while we were dating
everyone would tell us how we “just fit.”
I don’t know what that means but things seem to be working out ok for
us.
Fun
Fact -- Both of our parents were married on the same exact day. They both had 8
children and we are both the fourth child in our families. Coincidence? I don’t know but we didn’t figure any of that out until
after we were married. So clearly we “just fit” and everyone else knew it too.
When I was growing up, we moved a lot. By the
time I left on my mission I had lived in 6 different cities and in 15 different
homes. In fact about a week before I left to serve in the Canada Calgary
Mission, I helped my family move to Las Vegas. I came home two years later to a
ward where I didn’t know a soul.
Except for Gladys Knight.
She was there. I didn’t
know her personally but I had heard of her before because she sang the national
anthem at Wrestlemania 3. I’m sure she is famous for something else but that is
where I had heard of her. So I
didn’t know anyone really- and guess what- 3 months later, my parents moved
again- to Southern Utah. I moved
with them and lasted a couple months before moving back to Las Vegas to live
with my brother Pete.
It
has never been easy for me to talk to other people. I’m not sure if this is a
byproduct of moving around so much or if it’s just me. I very much kept to
myself and drew silly pictures instead of paying attention in school. My older
Brother Pete is amazing. Very smart, and one of the funniest people I know.
People who know him love him, and want to be around him. I’ve met strangers for
the first time and they would say- “Hey you’re Pete’s brother aren’t you?” And
this is how it was in Las Vegas. I was Pete’s brother and that was ok. It was there that I met
Sara. She was “liking” Pete and
was set up to go on a date with him so that his friend could double with Sara’s
friend. It was not a real date so
when Pete was set up on another date he asked me to fill in for him with Sara.
It was a good time and we had fun.
Shortly
before this, Sara had had a dream about kissing a boy. I know...Gross, right
kids? Well who do think that boy in her dream was? That’s right-- Me.
Well in this dream I was wearing an Orange shirt. So a few days later,
when we showed up at Sara’s house to eat cake and ice cream for her birthday- I
walked in wearing an orange shirt. It was a christmas miracle. Someone should
write a book about it. I had no
idea about her dream but when I found out about it later -- I wore the heck of
that orange shirt. Things happened- We got Married in Las Vegas in February of
1999. It was a wonderful time- we were young and stupid and had no idea what we
were doing. It was perfect. We came to BYU where Sara graduated with a degree
in Marriage Family and Human Development and I graduated with a degree in Illustration. So now I am fully qualified to draw
silly pictures with our kids in sacrament meeting, and Sara is fully qualified
to tell me to knock it off and pay attention. We have six children, Mack and Tara are in Young Women and
then we have our twin 10 year old boys Jayson and Jaykob followed by Anna who
is 6 and our little Tommy who is 4. So the moral of this story is, It’s okay to
be Pete’s Brother- good things can happen.
We
have been in the ward for a little over a year. Our kids are all homeschooled and we know that makes us a
little weird but I promise- we’re good people. I work from home as an illustrator- I draw pictures that are
printed on t-shirts that are sold all over america at resorts and zoos and
places like that. One of my shirts was even in a real hollywood movie. I also recently finished my first
childrens book which should be coming out later this summer.
During
the week I sit at my desk all alone in my office at home and occasionally, once
every day or two I have a telephone conversation with my boss who lives in
Denver, Colorado. This is the extent of my interaction with humans outside of
my home and church on sunday.
Sometimes I do get to go to the store, but I use the self checkout so I
don’t have to talk to people.
I
have done and said many a stupid things and occasionally end up beating myself
up about it later on. I have found that sometimes it is easier to keep my mouth
shut and just not talk so that I don’t have to kick myself later for it. It is a good day if I can say, “I
didn’t say anything stupid today.” Unfortunately most of those days I can also
just say, “I didn’t say anything today.” This is no kind of way to live. The iron rod leads right through the
mud and mists of darkness. It doesn’t bypass the hard stuff all together.
I
enjoyed Elder Renlund’s Talk in general conference. He talked about Nelson Mandela who many people looked
up to. Some even referred to him as a saint. To this he replied- “I’m no saint- that is unless you think
a saint is a sinner who keeps on trying.”
I
love that. We are all sinners who
should keep on trying. When we are discouraged or face challenges or when we
make mistakes, the lord does not want us to give up. It is expected that we will have hard times. That is why we
are here. To learn and have
experiences that help us to be better people and to be more like the
savior. The Lord told Joseph Smith
regarding the trials he was facing- “know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee
experience, and shall be for thy good.”
Each
of us makes mistakes. Each of faces trials and gets discouraged. We all feel inadequate in one way or
another. I can go a long time
without raising my voice to my kids or getting angry at home, but if I lose it
just once and those feelings of being a total failure and wondering how I will
ever be a good example to my kids can be overwhelming. Discouragement and
feelings of inadequacy can be a very difficult struggle. Often times they make
us wonder if it is worth even trying.
Neal
a Maxwell said-
“The first thing to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is
that it is normal. There is no way the Church can honestly describe where we
must yet go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense
distance.”
In
the scriptures we find countless stories of people struggling with many things
that are easy for me to relate to.
Adam and Eve had kids that didn’t get along. Noah struggled with his
neighbors. Jonah wasn’t sure he
wanted to go on a mission. David struggled with temptations. Lehi worried about
his kids following the gospel. Enos wrestled with the Lord about the things his
father had taught him. The scriptures are full of people falling short time and
time again.
But
they are also full of many of those same people turning to the Lord and finding
the strength to keep trying. We see prophets who struggle with feelings of
inadequacy but who also learn and improve line upon line. Even the Savior “received not of the
fulness at first but received grace for grace” and even he grew and “increased
in wisdom and stature.” Elder Maxwell says “the vital lesson to this gradual
growth is this: it is direction first, then velocity.” We can’t be expected to
handle everything at once. But as we continue going in the right direction, and
keep trying we will get better and become more like the savior.
Elder
Renlund says:
“We may be perfected by repeatedly...“relying wholly upon” the
doctrine of Christ: exercising faith in Him, repenting, partaking of the sacrament to
renew the covenants and blessings of baptism, and
receiving the Holy Ghost as a constant companion to a greater degree. As we do so, we
become more like Christ and are able to endure to the end, with all that that
entails.3In less formal terms,” and this is one of my
favorite parts, “God cares a lot more about who we are and who we are becoming
than about who we once were.4 He cares that we keep on trying.”
I
love the atonement, the plan of salvation. I love that word: plan. God did not turn us loose here on
earth to see what we can do on our own.
That is not the plan. The plan was never for us to do it alone. We need
the savior. We need to turn to him.
Of course we get discouraged or feel inadequate when we try to do it by
ourselves. That’s the plan. He wants us to need him. There is no way to do it alone. He said, “I give
unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all
men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me,
and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
Serving
in this calling is a challenge for me. Three months ago I was still drawing
silly pictures in sacrament meeting... remember. It is hard for me to feel like
I can bring anything worthwhile to the table in a meeting with these two good
brethren. They are spiritual
giants and they really know what is going on. While preparing for this talk I was struggling again with
many of these feelings of self doubt and feeling very inadequate. Praying for
help from the Lord the thought came to my mind, “What did the prophet’s say
when you were born?” Weird but okay- so I looked at the October 1976 General
Conference. One talk stood out to me. Almost like it was bigger than the rest.
Elder Neal A Maxwell had just been sustained as a new president of the seventy.
His talked entitled “Notwithstanding My Weakness” offers counsel for someone
struggling with these very feelings of inadequacy. The Lord knew my struggles
and provided a comfort that I needed.
Elder
Renlund left with this invitation and I’d like to share it as well: “My invitation to all of us is to evaluate our
lives, repent, and keep on trying. ... As we try, persevere, and help others to
do the same, we are true Latter-day Saints. As we change, we will find that God
indeed cares a lot more about who we are and about who we are becoming than
about who we once were.”
I’d like to close with my own testimony. I know the Lord is
aware of each of us. He knows our
names, he knows our trials, he knows our potential. He wants to help us to
become better people. I pray that each of us may feel of his love- in the name
of Jesus Christ, Amen.
